Your Lie in April Remains
by Crimson Rose Blooms
Summary: It's been three years since that spring and Kousei has convinced himself he has moved on from his love - Miyazono Kaori. He has become a sensitive pianist but is that enough to take him on the road of music? How will returning back to the very place he met her help him now?
1. Chapter 1

Arima Kousei, aged 17, in my final year at Otsuku College of Music Affiliated High School where many renowned musicians have spiralled their way to the top. You may have heard of me as the child prodigy of Arima Saki or perhaps the 'Human Metronome' but that does not mean getting scouted would be an easy task. Now my only remaining chance was the International Piano Competition where standards soared up to the heavens. If I couldn't catch anyone's attention then my entire life as a musician -

"Kousei!"

Instantly my fingers froze above the keys and I raised my head from the complicated music sheets to greet my excited childhood friend who had mystically arrived. She was something like a hurricane, disturbing the peace that I had just created.

"Hey Tsubaki, what are you doing here?"

Within these short years, Tsubaki's short unruly brunette hair lengthened down to her shoulders but she was still the same violent, unpredictable, reckless baseball player I knew – nothing like the feminine girl that most boys thought she was. Thankfully she was at another school or else I would be getting into so much trouble with her.

"I got permission; I didn't sneak in," she rolled her eyes at my unsaid accusation, "Tomorrow's the last day of term so I came to invite you home since my mum hasn't seen you for three years…"

Oh great, the guilt trip. I laughed nervously, "Sorry but maybe next time; I have that international competition coming up."

"Which is in April," she interrupted as she glanced sceptically at the score: Chopin's Impromptu No.1 in A flat Major, Op.20. "You still have another month so pack your bags. I'll meet you at the station at three tomorrow – I'll already bought your ticket so I won't take no for an answer."

Just as she appeared, Tsubaki disappeared like a forceful tidal wave crashing onto the shore. But unlike someone else, it didn't leave such a deep indent on the sand of my life. No, that record was still belonged solely to Miyazono Kaori.

* * *

The train station had been refurbished into a grander, more futuristic area with gigantic screens displaying some sort of perfume advertisement. The tiny coffee shop that I often spent time with my ears plugged in was now replaced by a sweet shop with children fighting over a lollipop. The roads that were so endless when I walked home from school were now disgustingly sloppy with puddles. More importantly when I gazed down, I couldn't recognize the person staring back: curly dark hair that had flattened out, a sophisticated jawline and only the same black rimmed glasses to remind myself that this stranger was me.

"Kousei, are you going to go home to freshen up first or do you want to come over first to say hi?" Tsubaki asked casually, completely comfortable strolling down this foreign road. "Kousei?"

"Oh, I think I'll drop my stuff off first."

It was this exact spot where Kaori pounced onto the back of my bike, carelessly leaning onto me with her scent overpowering my senses as she urged me to join her rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I could picture her gazing up towards the starry sky and her laughter echoing in my ears – the sweetest music I had ever heard.

"Why are you staring at the ground?"

My reverie of discarded memories was swiftly broken when I realized we had paused in front of our houses. Tsubaki was frowning with concern, as if she knew what I was imagining.

"It's nothing; I'll see you later."

After exchanging a short farewell, I locked the door to face the bitter emptiness of my home. This was the scenery of normality: my dad isolated in some faraway alien country that I couldn't reach and deafening silence engulfing me into its bottomless ocean. It seemed now that the only reason I returned was just to see my piano again.

The edges of my lips curled a little as another scene was released from its concealed chest stored away in the deepest parts of my brain. Kaori had flung herself onto my piano in a sorrowful embrace and had started tearing up. Even then she looked so beautiful. She shared its pain… my pain.

Like a cautious child searching for monsters, I creaked the door open enough for my hand to flick the light switch. Clearly my dad had not step foot into this room. All my music was still splattered across the room like a clumsy artist would play on his palette. Debussy here, Rachmaninoff there. Only the shelf was still arranged neatly in order but my sole focus was on the piano veiled by a thick layer of dust concealing its unspeakable beauty.

As I attempted to mimic Kaori's gentle actions by caressing it, I slowly pushed the flap up to view the strings which were miraculously in tune. Just by admiring the strings, I felt as though the piano itself was seducing me, tempting me to take a taste. Just a smidge.

How long did I used to spend practicing in this room just for a chance to perform with Kaori perfectly the next day? Or was it because of her persistent orders for me to practice Beethoven?

Time began to warp around me like a cocoon, confusing me as to whether I was practicing for the sake of it or if tomorrow I needed to go to Middle School and rehearse with Kaori for an upcoming contest. My ears had once again grown accustomed to the somewhat muted sound and I let my frustration resound throughout the house. Kaori, the enthusiastic musician who played alluring music yet was so delicate to touch…

"Kousei! It's been an hour and I'll eat your portion soon if you don't come over!"

Nostalgia fluttered away from me like the cocoon had shattered for the butterfly to spread its wings and I was returned to a proper state of mind by Tsubaki's obnoxiously loud voice from a whole house away. A shiver trickled down my spine like a raindrop was sliding down, a certain coldness filling me.

Why was this happening now?

* * *

"Welcome back Kousei!"

It felt like masses of people were crammed into the stuffy hall of Tsubaki's house just to scream out those heart-warming words to me. Once I had recovered from jumping several steps back from shock, I greeted them all with a bright smile.

"Hey Kousei, did you just forget about all of us?" A tall brunet with the cheekiest grin I had seen stepped up to punch me on the shoulder as a friendly gesture. "Too into your music to care?"

"Watari!" I laughed as I rubbed my shoulder lightly- he had definitely trained to build up some muscle. "I haven't seen you in forever. How's the football going?"

"Great," he chuckled, "I just returned from a tour. And you should have seen all those babes in –"

"Arima-sensei, it's good to see you again," Nagi politely cut in. I almost couldn't recognise her without her childish pigtails. Her rich hair cascading down her back reminded me instantly of a certain girl who also wore her hair this way, with the exact same glittering blondness…

"How has your piano lessons been going? Has Hiroko-san been treating you well?"

"I'll have you know Kousei, after you've seen my training schedule you'll think you've been slacking off," my former teacher reprimanded me and then grimaced, "You've grown taller than me now but that still doesn't mean you play any better. No scouting yet?"

I shrugged with a dejected look on my face, "I still have this last competition that I'm hoping to -"

"Enough about piano," Tsubaki whined loudly, "Let's hurry up and cut the cake!"

At this, everyone burst into laughter but even though I was chuckling along it felt abnormal. There was a missing piece to this twisted puzzle and for once, I was certain it was Kaori. It had been almost a year since I last pictured her when I compared her passionate performances, which had etched so perfectly vivid into my mind like an intimate piece of music, to a mediocre violinist. Why was she clinging onto me so desperately now? Or was it that I was actually the one who wouldn't let go? I had already bid her farewell so why…

Why was I still so in love?

* * *

Reviews would be appreciated because I would like your advice on whether to continue this as a longer story or just to leave it... But I had fun writing this, I really like Kousei :) Thanks for reading guys!


	2. Chapter 2

**Your Lie in April Remains**

Music that touches your heart never leaves you. It returns to haunt you in your dreams to remind you that the same moment will never return. For me, it meant that simply strolling around my hometown made my heart feel like someone had squeezed it then proceeded to prod it continuously. The children's park failed to maintain its bright colours but I could still see Kaori on top of the dome with her pink skirt fluttering in the wind, clutching a melodica with tears in her crystal blue eyes to tell me she put her heart and soul into playing. That moment, my monochrome world was dyed a spectrum of colours.

"Did you come to see the performance?"

A sweet feminine voice that was much too tempered to be Kaori questioned me. For some reason, I had not gained one single female friend as I studied high school so that meant this person had to be…

Igawa Emi flicked her slick raven hair back as she strutted down towards me. "I wanted to come to your welcome party yesterday but today happens to be the preliminaries for the young musicians so I couldn't miss it."

I chuckled lightly, "We can hardly be considered young. Hi."

"How rude," she let out a rare smile, "I'm one of the judges since I _am_ one of the world's best and youngest pianists."

"I almost forgot: congratulations on winning the National Youth Musician Award… last year."

"What about you? Your school term ends in less than a month; what are you going to do? I heard scouts were looking around for you."

I rubbed the back of neck out of embarrassment. "Actually… I've not been entering as many competitions as I have performed little pieces at -"

"No competitions? Have you lost motivation?" She glanced down at her wrist watch then back at me, "Come with me."

* * *

Either by luck or ill fate, I ended up sitting with stern looking critics – one of them being Emi. Somehow I had been given the list of competitors but without the music they would perform. People poured in through the doors as my tension flooded my senses. The other judges would want my opinion too.

"First one's coming up. Want a pen?" Emi offered.

I nodded stiffly just as the first performer stepped on stage with a trembling hand. He bowed deeply to the audience whist they applauded him lightly. He raised his bow not as delicately as Kaori yet not as forceful enough. Double-stopping. Immediately I recognized it: the Kreutzer.

My hand stilled and my heart pace matched the music, leaping along to reach the same adrenaline as before but… nothing. This wasn't Kaori's piece. This wasn't the Beethoven I loved either. It was just another performer at another competition. As I was consumed by my thoughts the piece ended and I had no notes next to his name. I scored it out.

The same with the next girl with her scrunched face as she played and the boy with a ponytail that swayed so drastically that it looked like he wasn't even using his arm to play. All of them were nothing compared to the performance I kept replaying in my head - it was all so pathetic.

"Arima Kousei was it?" an elder judge patted me on the back gently. "I've heard you play once. It was a very good performance. What did you think of the competition?"

Boring. Uninspiring. Lacking. Bad.

"It was alright."

"I see. Igawa-san has requested to use the piano in Towa Hall after the competition for you. You wouldn't mind if I stayed, would you?"

My eyes widened and I quickly sought out Emi's silhouette in the seats beside me but clearly she had snuck away like a thief in the night. So I returned to the elderly man with a smile.

"I would love to hear your comments."

"Good, we're going to post up the results soon. Do you have anything to add?" he lifted up the sheets scribbled over with notes and circles marked the lucky ones who passed onto the next round.

I shook my head.

How long hadn't I been in this hall? The Steinways and Son piano that was sparkling, anticipating my touch, was still there in its brilliance. Already adrenaline was pumping through me.

 _I want to play._

* * *

By now, dreams had been shattered and potential tested. All the adults had either ushered away their prideful or tearful children. Emi and the judge were the only ones remained sitting but my eyes wandered to the empty hall. I could still point out where Kaori sat last time.

Her presence clearly didn't linger there but my memories did. The lighting was dimmer than before so I couldn't see the unattended seats. This could have easily been three years ago.

"Elohim Essiam, Elohim Essiam. I implore you," I breathed. My fingers rested on the keys just to get a gist of it. I want to play that sound again. Just like that time.

Instead of playing the Chopin, my mind blanked. What can I play that can sing out and bring Kaori's presence to me? Was music even enough to reach out to her?

"Arima, are you alright?" Emi asked, concerned over my lack of movement within the minute.

"I… I need to go," I muttered, "Thanks for today. Sorry."

Almost embarrassed, I rushed from the stage and out the backstage door with Emi's eyes glaring at my back. As it turns out, while everything was changing around me, I was the one who wouldn't change. I was stuck in the past. All this time, I was still searching for Kaori's music meanwhile knowing it would always be lost to that April.

* * *

"Kousei?" called Tsubaki's familiar voice from the corridor. "Where did you go the entire day? Dinner's ready if you want to come join us. Seriously, you weren't even practicing the piano today…"

I listened to her gentle rambling in silence, savouring the rare flashbacks to my childhood.

Finally, the door quietly opened but I made no attempt to move. "Kousei, why are you on the floor?" she exclaimed, "What's with all the music sheets? Were you cleaning up?"

Quite the opposite, I was messing things up.

"I was looking for something," I muttered, pushing myself up from the paper infested floor to stare at her confused expression. "I couldn't find it."

"What were you looking for?"

The past. The music. Kaori.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not really hungry."

She inhaled deeply before releasing a stressed filled breath. "I see. Let me sit with you then."

Even if I were to protest, her wilful self would manage to penetrate the barricade of excuses I created so instead I shuffled over for her. Once she plopped herself onto the floor next to me, she extended a hand.

"Here, I expected you'd refuse."

Egg sandwiches. I almost sniggered childishly while unwrapping the packaging.

"Next we'll be jumping off the bridge of courage."

"So what did you do today? I was going to take you around to visit some places but when I came around you were already gone. Which reminds me, although there is nothing valuable in your house except your precious piano, can you please lock the door properly?"

I chuckled, "I went to Towa Hall today and met Igawa Emi, the pianist."

"Oh, how is she?" Tsubaki inquired, seemingly interested although her eyes betrayed her. It was odd that although we kept evolving into complete opposite, we could see through each other like glass. No matter how much light got refracted by us, we'd still manage.

"Fine. She was judging so I tagged along. They were playing Kaori's piece."

As if the name struck a nerve, Tsubaki's hand twitched a little. "I see. Are you…?"

Even though the sentence was unfinished, I couldn't help but feel the weight of the words. Am I still in love with her? Of course I am. Am I still possessed by her music? Without a doubt. Am I still caught in the past?

"I think so," I answered earnestly, "But I shouldn't be."

"Maybe you should visit her," she suggested, "After all, it has been three years."

"Maybe."

"Take your time; you have almost a month until your big competition - which I'll be going to see it by the way," she added cheerfully.

I nodded as I chomped into my sandwich. It seemed that my stomach refused to acknowledge its own hunger until there was food in my system.

"Kousei, you know that day when we were sheltered in the rain, you told me that you knew Kao-chan liked Watari."

I ceased all movement.

How could I not remember that day? The day Tsubaki told me to love her.

"You said you knew you didn't have a chance in hell of getting her but even so you'd like her." She stared blankly at the piano as if replaying that scene in her head. "I wasn't lying when I said I can read you like a book. By your expressions, I can tell that Kao-chan must've liked you too. But Kousei, I want you to love me."

Perhaps it was moments like these that I was supposed to give some heartfelt response but my entire body felt imprisoned in ice. My brain couldn't even comprehend he words even when she kept going.

"I want to stay by your side. If I was still the girl back then I might be running off right now but we're mature now so… I made the decision to go to a university further south. I'm going to stop chasing after you and become my own person. Maybe time apart will give us a chance to grow."

I gaped at Tsubaki's boldness. Until now I didn't notice the natural blush on her cheeks, her curled eyelashes and her feminine style of clothing. This Tsubaki wasn't the same one either. Everything was moving on and leaving me behind.

"I want you to see me as a girl you know – even now," she laughed lightly but humourlessly. Could I really see through this Tsubaki while she still read me like an open book?

"So don't worry; I know you're going through some tough stuff. Until your concert, I'll be avoiding you and waiting for your resolve," she concluded as she stood up. "Well enjoy your dinner, I'll see you soon."

With that, the new Tsubaki strutted out of my house as if nothing was wrong. Why must everything always catch up to me unexpectedly? When will I ever be able to notice the tiny details? I thought I was supposed to grow more sensitive to things after all the things I've endured but was there such a thing as overly sensitive to the point you can't feel?

It wasn't until I was falling asleep that night that I remember that I was supposed to be searching for Kaori, not answers.

* * *

Aw thanks so much to **rex4487, YourAverageGuy** & **TheRoseShadow21!** You guys are so nice and hopefully I don't disappoint!


	3. Chapter 3

**Your Lie in April Remains**

Pathetic as it were, I unbuttoned my best suit and tugged off my silk tie. What good was it to impress a dead person? In fact, there was no point in visiting her. Yet only five minutes ago had I donned the clothing thinking of visiting the gloomy graveyard. Instead, I settled for re-reading Kaori's neat handwriting on the girly paper. This was what a girl's handwriting was, unlike the messy scribbles that belonged to me. Although Tsubaki's handwriting is similar…

I groaned at the thought of Tsubaki. Despite knowing I couldn't shove her to the corner of my disarrayed mind, I wanted to delay it, as long as possible. Ever since day one my head has been spinning like a miller's turning wheel and I wanted to stop it. My priority should be on the competition so why did I feel the need to get over Kaori? Why was she even back in my thoughts?

She never left.

Kaori was always here. Every note I played resounded to her, every scene related to her, everything _was_ her.

"Dammit," I swore quietly as I headed out of my room. I needed a distraction.

As if there was someone listening to my mental debate, the sound of my letter box being shut alerted me. I should probably check it – after all my dad would never clear it out. It must be jammed shut or something by now.

Slowly, to shorten the time I could spend worrying over worthless thoughts, I opened the door and walked out towards the rusty letter box. Maybe I could spend today building a new one or something but I was never the craftsmen. Plus when I was younger I remember angering my mum when I came home with a bleeding splinter, courtesy of Tsubaki. Ever since then, I haven't wanted to even approach tools.

But it wasn't what I expected. There was only a single letter in the letter box when I peered in.

"Who's it from?" I frowned as I saw my name neatly written on the front. Pondering who would ever address a letter to me instead of texting, I heard a familiar 'I'm off!'

My eyes met with Tsubaki's but she averted our eye contact immediately as if the mere sight of me burned her chocolate irises. Before I could say anything, she dashed off. If I could, I would be running away from my problems too…

So I peeled the envelope unhurriedly, enjoying the rare anticipation.

 _To Arima Kousei,_

 _What's up? It's been a while so I guess you must have forgotten I existed but I'm here! Still rocking the piano as always. But I hear that you aren't. No scouts yet huh? I also heard that your final year at music school is over so let me cut to the chase. I want you to come to America. Just think about it. Staying in Japan won't broaden your horizons so why not go international? It's time to conquer another country._

 _Your rival always, Aiza Takeshi_

For such a big sheet of paper I expected there to be more writing. Instead there was only an English address stuck to the side, egging me on to reply. But with what? Do I really want to leave Japan? I guess God really is listening to me about escaping. This was an invitation: a one-way ticket.

"Yo Kousei!" a voice called out to me. I lifted my head to be greeted by the sight of Watari practically bolting towards me. "Get dressed, we're going training!"

* * *

"You may be some hot-shot musician but you can't even kick a ball properly, much less score a goal. Chicks dug a guy with muscle you know?" he grunted as he showed me 'how it was done'. Flexing his body into a position that would make me believe he was posing as Zeus, he sent one unfortunate football flying towards a weary net. No one seemed to bother replacing it.

"Sometimes you just got to sweat off the stress," he remarked, dropping to the abused pitch ground like he had finished intense training although we had only been here for five minutes. Watari was knowledgeable about my athletic ability – or lack of the skill.

"Well I am a musician in the end," I sighed, picking up the straying ball. "I use music."

"But sometimes you still want to talk it out right?" he grinned as he patted the empty spot next to him. "Talk to me."

Even three years apart didn't affect the foundation of our friendship. Watari could still read me like an open book and I… still couldn't. It was partially that and guilt that led me to spill my guts to him every time so I sat with my legs in front of me.

"I bumped into Tsubaki on my way to your house; she said that you may have hit a wall. That pretty pianist told her that you couldn't play."

My breath hitched. That wasn't exactly the problem I thought Tsubaki would tell him. So should I? And if I did, didn't that mean I would have to tell him all about _her?_ Three years in different schools meant I could avoid the subject pretty well.

"I… Yeah."

"What's going on? Just tell me."

My mouth ran dry like the Sahara desert and I wondered if I could outrun Watari with a three second head start. No, I have to stop running.

"Tsubaki told me she still likes me," I admitted, "And I need to reply on the day of the competition. Until then, we aren't talking."

He whistled – not the response I was looking for. "Talk about seizing the day. Although I always knew she'd be the one to initiate it; you're such a scaredy-cat sometimes Kousei."

"Thanks?"

"Do you not love her?" he asked casually, as if we were only talking about the weather today. "She's been there through it all. To be honest you probably won't ever find a girl like her again."

"It doesn't seem like I have a choice," I sighed, "Either way our relationship won't ever be the same; either way I lose my childhood friend. And I don't want to hurt her."

"Sometimes you have to hurt people to achieve what you want. No one said it was easy," Watari smiled. It wasn't his usual happy-go-lucky grin. This was an encouraging smile from someone wiser, someone who experienced loss.

He shouldn't keep getting hurt. And I've hurt him long enough for going along with that lie. Watari was the victim in the end. And I was one of the people who hurt him.

"Watari, I –"

"Like in football, you need to work your ass off to get into the league. Even then it might not work out." Watari stood up abruptly, brushing off the dust from his shorts. "Maybe you should try jogging; it might clear your head."

"Watari," I demanded in a stronger voice but he still didn't look at me. "You told me to talk so I'm not going stop here. I still love her."

"I know."

"It was mutual."

"… I know."

For some reason, that didn't come as a surprise. Love isn't something you can fake.

"When?"

"Watching you two perform together. I'm no music enthusiast but even I knew that was somewhat spectacular. You two were shining on that stage and I knew it wasn't just music connecting you two."

"So what now? I can't sever that connection. Three years wasn't enough. I don't think any amount of time will be enough. I can't do it." The resolution from before seemed to fade like a dramatic diminuendo. My voice sounded almost feeble. "Every morning I resolve to get over it but I chicken out every time. I'm not strong. I'm not… I can't…"

"Kousei, you're just too kind. I mean, it took you long enough to admit it the first time. You're a slow one," he laughed, turning to me. "But I know you'll get there in the end."

People say that believing in yourself is the hardest thing but I beg to differ. Betting on yourself means that what's at stake is you. And you should know your own capabilities – since who knows you better than yourself. But believing in someone else is the worst. The chances of them stabbing you in the back while you blinding trust them is overwhelmingly high. Only one in a million possessed this quality and Watari was one of the few.

"How… can you just forgive us like this?"

He shrugged, "Well you didn't mean it. And there's no point being mad at the dead. Kaori had her reasons, I'm sure."

Hearing her name out loud still gave me shivers but I focussed on giving Watari a smile.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"And I'm sorry."

"Well just make sure you introduce me to some hot musicians or something," he grinned that silly grin again. I couldn't help but do the same.

* * *

Upon returning home, I skimmed through Takeshi's letter that I had placed on my table. Although I have decided I'm not going to run away, this was a golden opportunity. What was I going to do after the competition? Especially if I lost.

Biting my lip, I tucked the letter to the side. That was another thing to worry about. But first things first, I stretched and heading back downstairs to the piano.

Even if every note resonated in my head reminded me of Kaoru, that didn't mean I could stop playing. I could never stop playing.

So did that mean I could never stop loving her?

* * *

Thanks for reading guys! And thank you **rex4487** and **pandaalex** for your support - I felt touched that you guys bothered to review! And you guys who favourited this story and are following, I'm really grateful too. I hope you enjoy it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Your Lie in April Remains**

My colourful keyboard was beginning to fade.

People would think I was crazy if I said that out loud but how else could I describe this feeling. It wasn't emptiness; it was colourless. Every note of Chopin's Ballade I played sounded like raindrops – rhythmic but tuneless. Nothing sparkled.

When I realized that I no longer needed the light on, I stood up on weary legs. How long had the sun been up? Limping slightly, I retrieved the scores of Kreisler's Love Sorrow from the shelf and glanced at it, partially to recall the notes and partially for blood to reach my toes.

Memories flooded my mind and I was back on the stage, waving farewell to my mother. Even in my head, I could hear the melody reach her. She was in my music.

Was this the difference? I needed to accept Kaori into my music?

Biting my lip in denial, I stormed out of the room and the house. It wasn't until I was standing outside the gates of Sumiya Middle School that I realized I even had a destination in mind. The dawn was a freezing time of day but it also meant that no one would be around.

I still can't help aspiring to be like her. I can't stop hearing her voice saying: You're young, what better time than now to do it? And I can't stop myself from climbing over the school gates. I can't help myself sneaking into the music room. I can't stop myself from playing the piano.

The room still looked the same as it had three years ago. I can almost see a young boy sitting on the stool, conflicted by the shadow of his mother because it meant he could run away. Then a girl who made him face that shadow slumped against the wall of the room, the moonlight reflecting off her face. She was so fragile yet glowed with the light of life.

She was why I played. She _was_ my music.

Love's sorrow. Even if it was my mother's song, I couldn't help projecting it onto my feelings too. Like caressing a baby's head. Embracing the piano. Playing it the way she would have, like a lullaby.

 _Arima Kousei… I love you. I love you. I love you._

I love you too.

And that's why it hurts.

* * *

"You look terrible," Hiroko-san remarked as she shook me awake. "But you still shouldn't sleep in the hallway. I can't believe you're seventeen and you still can't sleep in a bed. How do you even sleep everywhere?"

"Hiroko-san," I yawned, "What time is it?"

Sleep was clouding my vision but the door was wide open and letting a fresh breeze flow in. I shivered, even though the sunlight was hitting me directly in the face.

"It's five in the afternoon. I was calling you for a while but you never picked up," she sighed. "I should have known you'd fallen asleep. I wanted you to come and see something. Towa Hall at seven, okay? Don't be late."

Then she strutted back out of my house. Maybe she was just a hallucination, a figment of my imagination, a daydream. But the messages and the missed calls on my phone said otherwise.

I groaned, "Then why did she wake me up?"

My back cracked as I groggily sat up against the wall. I couldn't even remember how I got back from the middle school. But I do remember that I still couldn't play our Chopin's Ballade. No matter how much time I sat thinking over the notes and the sound, nothing came out.

"I'm playing for you just like before, so why is nothing happening?" I sighed, gazing up at the ceiling as if she might hear me. "Is my music not reaching you?"

I missed that feeling of my legs feeling weak like sticks about to collapse from the weight of my weak body or the way my fingers trembled like a violent virbato after a fierce performance. I missed it. I missed everything.

So I had to get it back.

* * *

"A showcase?"

"My student is participating and I want you to cheer for her," Hiroko-san smiled as we sat down on the cushioned seats. "And since I hadn't seen you in forever I thought it would be nice for us to chat."

I smiled back. If there was one thing I really missed from home, it would probably be Hiroko-san. Good thing that she was one of the few things that hadn't transformed like moving through a concerto. We were still on the same movement.

"How is Koharu-chan?"

"Great, she started piano a while ago. Maybe you could teach her some time. You're quite a good one – firm yet gentle. Although in the end, you are a performer."

"Maybe I should consider teaching," I pondered on the thought. That way I wouldn't have to keep thinking about Kaori, about touching people, about the music. I'd still be in touch with music enough. But I probably wouldn't have to find myself in the maze of it all the time.

"Is that so?" she raised a brow. "So what are you planning on doing about the competition? It's only three weeks away now isn't it?"

I nodded. "I wanted to play Chopin's Ballade again but… it's just not right."

"Kousei." Her voice was stern now, demanding my attention. I gazed into her heated eyes. "Sometimes you shouldn't focus too much on the past. Everything has to keep going forward."

But I still want to keep looking for it.

Luckily, the applause interrupted the conversation. The lights dimmed to indicate the beginning of the showcase and the spotlight narrowed the performers like a gun aiming its target, the audience ready to prey on the performance. But even in the most anxious moment, Nagi remained poised on the stool, unshaken. Her blond hair trailed down her upright shoulders and her pristine dress glittered under the light. On the other hand, Miike looked like an amateur but there was no time for nervousness – this was a stage.

"You're kidding," I muttered softly to myself in disbelief. But this was real - from the steady piano chords to the violin's legato tune.

"Saint-Saens' Introduction and Rondo Capriccioso, Opus 28."

If Hiroko-san heard me, she made no response. Her eyes were trained solely on the two young musicians playing professionally. In fact, the whole audience's ears were occupied by their playing. But I didn't want to think about it.

No, that sound should be more forceful.

No, there should be a slight rallentando.

No, a pause here.

No…

No.

No.

This was the reason why I couldn't play this piece with any violinist, not even a virtuoso. Because nobody could recreate that precious sound. Not even me.

 _Let's go on an adventure._

But it has ended now. She departed on her own journey. She left me alone, just like most people.

"Every performance is different; that's why there're so many performers. So listen carefully; you'll never hear it again."

Hiroko-san's voice was soft but it felt like she was commanding me to watch the two giving their all on-stage. This is was performances are so sacred.

This is why I perform.

* * *

"That was amazing," I complimented them as sincerely as I could. "I'm really impressed."

Nagi huffed, crossing her arms. "Well of course it was! You can't expect me not to improve if you just leave me here for three years. The world doesn't revolve around you, sensei."

I laughed nervously, not knowing how to respond. She was a lot like Kaori. But she wasn't her.

"I-it means a lot to me," Miike looked me square in the eyes, trying hard not to stammer, "That you enjoyed the performance. Because even now I can't forget the day you performed Love's Sorrow. It was really inspiring. Especially when you left the stage, I saw that you were really giving that performance your all."

Now I really didn't know how to respond.

"I… won't forget this either. Maybe one day we can play together."

His eyes lit up like the streetlights at twilight but Nagi just snorted, "Don't think you can replace me just yet."

Finally, I turned to Hiroko-san who stood there, expecting me. Sometimes I wonder if she's psychic. She always knows what I'm thinking and she always supports me. She was practically my second mother which is why I found it important to tell her my resolution.

"There are a lot of people out there waiting to hear your performance too. People like her."

I shook my head fiercely.

"There's no one like her."

But there were still people waiting for my music. People that want to be touched, inspired, imprinted on. For me to create an effect like that – like _hers_ …

"I'm going on my own adventure."

* * *

I apologize for the shortness of this chapter. And I am so so so happy that so many of you reviewed! It seriously warms my heart! **rex4487, pandaalex, KT NCL TGLS, The Flame of a Raindrop.** You guys are the sweetest and I hope that you will enjoy the story as it goes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Your Lie in April Remains**

Time is measured in seconds, minutes, hours. I believe they are measured in flashes; some are continuous enough that you grow aware of them as it grows but there are some spontaneous enough that catch you by surprise.

It has been three weeks since I last step foot out of this house.

I only kept track of that because the competition is tomorrow – and the fact that Hiroko-san, who has fully replaced Tsubaki as my caretaker, called me every other day to ensure I was alive. There were times when she dropped by that I didn't notice until I went on the necessary bathroom break. There'd be a tray of nutritious food set aside for me on the dining table instead of egg sandwiches I planned to eat. I truly miss those.

But Hiroko-san, although nagging when it came to my sleeping schedule, had not spoken a single word about my resolve. She'd watch soundlessly as I rummaged through the shelves of my mother's precious piano pieces and listen attentively when I'd practice. So I hadn't asked her about my music.

The breeze felt like a foreign sensation. It felt welcome against me, like gentle fingers combing through my hair and fresh water to my dehydrated skin. My shoulders loosened immediately. Pink petals fell to the ground when I did so.

It was finally April. And tomorrow, I'd find myself again.

* * *

 _Ma Fille_ was still the humble little bakery by the side of the street. Not much had changed since I was last here. And I assumed Kaori's parents wouldn't have either. The tiny bell chimed as I swung the door open.

"Welcome!" greeted Mr. Miyazono warmly from behind the glass counter. Then the wild look of recognition crossed his face. I didn't think his smile would spread even further but it did. "Ah, if it isn't Arima-kun. Honey, come quick!"

There was some stumbling, then from another door a lady fumbled out in her apron. Her chocolate hair was highlighted by strands of grey but even so her eyes twinkled in delight. I always wondered where Kaori's light hair came from but she had her mother's hazel eyes.

"Arima-kun?" she gasped, "It's been so long since we've last seen you. How are you? Come in, sit down."

"O-okay, thank you," I stammered, "It's nice to see you both again."

Nice could be one of the words to describe our reunion. So could awkward, nervous and strange. The last time I properly met with them was when Mrs. Miyazono handed me Kaori's letter – which was still in my pocket. We used to chat a lot while I bought canelés but I stopped coming. I've not had one since.

"I'll bring you some of our cakes. You've grown up so much," Mr. Miyazono grinned, "How's the piano?"

"Good. I've actually got a competition down at Tokyo tomorrow so I'll be heading off tonight. I don't know if you'll be able to make it but I'd appreciate it if you did."

I'd already extended my invitation to Hiroko-san, Watari, Nagi, Emi and not to mention, Tsubaki, so I might as well. It seemed important that Kaori's parents be there too.

A plate full of fresh canelés appeared on the table and my face broke into a thankful smile. The sweet scent was so addicting. It was times like these that I realized how Kaori could be so happy-go-lucky. Living in a bakery that practically oozes joy and playing music so freely; she was like a princess.

"We'd love to come," Mrs. Miyazono clapped her hands together. "We haven't seen you play in so long. Have you finished with music school?"

"Just about," I replied honestly, "I wanted to… refresh my memories."

Her kind eyes faltered in their disguise for a second, a shadow of grief passing her face. "I see. Well I know just the place. Do you want to come upstairs?"

To the place Kaori used to live her beautiful life.

I gulped.

"Yes."

* * *

Just as I expected, it was pink. How odd. Soft toys were gathered together neatly at the side and Charlie Brown quotes scribbled to the torn covers of notebooks. Needless to say, a stack of music lay in a corner, untouched.

"We didn't want to get rid of anything so we just left it," Mrs. Miyazono explained as I entered the room. "She was so lively and happy all the time so I couldn't remember a time she was ever really sad. I can't remember a time she cried because of self-pity."

I did.

The memory of her tear stained face still haunted me. The way her weak hands clung onto me and her pale skin shone against the glow of fallen snow. She looked so fragile.

"Just let me know if you need anything, Arima-kun."

"Thank you."

After the door was softly closed, I gave the room a quick survey. There was dim sunlight streaming through but the room still seemed so dark to me, like the shadow of Kaori was still in here. Her scent seemed like a faint mist, drifting towards me. I'd almost forgotten.

On the table, there was an empty frame.

The photo was in my room now, safely stored in a drawer. I haven't looked at it once since I left for school but the letter I took with me. The photo was a reminder of how cruel fate was. What could have been but will never be.

"She has the same albums as me," I smiled to myself. My fingers traced the CDs that were lined up on the shelf: Mozart, Handel, Beethoven, Ravel, Chopin, Bach, Paganini, Vivaldi, Strauss… They weren't even in any order.

Beside the shelf were the scattered music sheets, concealing a weary stand. Everything was everywhere – I didn't know where one piece ended and the other started. Concertos were tossed to one side then joined to a symphony. It was such a mess.

I went over to take a closer look and saw a pink case. It seemed paler at first and I realized that it was the only thing covered in a thick layer of dust. They hadn't touched it. Even though I didn't want to disrespect the Miyazonos, I had a growing feeling in my stomach that Kaori would have wanted me touch it. Well, at least to let me be here.

The smooth case was worn out. It looked smaller than before, less shiny, less… inspiring. But she had held this very violin in her hands as she motivated me, luring me out of my shell. This was what it was.

But not anymore.

* * *

Even the bathroom in the Miyazono house was bright and lively. I was glad to see that even though they had lost Kaori, they hadn't lost their spirit. In there, I caught a glimpse of an unused make-up kit and contact lens popping out the side. I'd almost forgotten that the Kaori I met was a different girl from the one the Miyazonos brought up.

"Everything alright, Arima-kun?" Mrs. Miyazono asked as she saw me stepping downstairs.

"Yes," I smiled, "Thank you for showing me her room."

"You're welcome. Would you like to see some of her old photographs? It's been so long since we've brought those out."

Cheerfully, she went around to the back before I had a chance to respond. The bakery had shut already and I wondered if I should return home since it was already so late. That was when Mr. Miyazono popped his head through the kitchen door to apologize to me.

"Sorry about this, Arima-kun. She's just excited because hardly anyone can remember Kaori now – she didn't have all that many close friends. It means a lot that you came to see us, really."

I shook my head.

"Your daughter meant a lot to me as well."

"She completely adored you. She quit the piano just so you could accompany her, you know?" he chuckled, "She was a silly little girl."

"She was."

"Here it is!" Mrs. Miyazono exclaimed, "Come on here and take a seat, Arima-kun. You too, dear."

The thick album was placed onto the table that we crowded around, watching carefully as Mrs. Miyazono flipped the first page.

"We take very few photos when she was young – when she was diagnosed. Kaori spent a lot of time in the hospital but when she wasn't, she was a bundle of joy. Running around in the park, visiting her friends, playing the violin…"

In the captured moment was a tiny girl with short blond hair and unmistakeable azure eyes prancing around in front of some type of meadow; the same girl licking a melting strawberry ice cream cone; her again holding up a much smaller violin for her parents to see. And in all of them, she was smiling. Not a single hint of remorse, resentfulness or regret. Just glowing joy.

"And these were some pictures of her in competitions," she pointed out, "This was her first day of Middle school. She was quite the shy little girl but then one day she just became this beautiful confident young lady. She just grew up in a flash…"

So she'd missed it too, the instance that Kaori transformed like a change in tempo. There was a timid looking girl in the first photo with her magnificent hair tamed into pigtails, her thick glasses shielding the face I knew so well.

"It was always her dream to play with you. I'm glad she managed it before… before moving on."

I nodded. "It was my pleasure."

It was more than that.

Kaori was the reason I still played. And she would continue to be.

* * *

The sun had long set when I left _Ma Fille_ but I still had one more destination in mind before I left my hometown. Enjoying the rush of cold air, I strolled down the lonely streets humming Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I walked past the Bridge of Courage which looked so childish to me now. I wouldn't need to think twice about jumping. Then I past the grassy patch where we had watched the fireflies dance around us.

The light of life, she called it. It was weak but still shone brightly.

Now I get it.

Finally, I reached the spot I needed to be before I went to my competition.

"Long time no see, Kaori," I whispered, placing a still hand on a rough grey gravestone.

" _Welcome back, Friend A."_

* * *

 **Since feeling is first,** firstly thank you for reviewing - it made me really happy! I'm glad you see potential in this fic but I'm only planning to go for one more chapter or so. But I hope you can continue to read it. And to **The Flame of a Raindrop,** thank you for supporting me this far and I really hope you are still enjoying it because I certainly still enjoy writing it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Your Lie in April Remains**

The competition was inconveniently in Tokyo which meant travelling. Luckily, I was granted a free ticket along with a one-night stay in some fancy hotel. By now I would much rather be in my own home, my own bed but I couldn't exactly decline their offer. However, I did turn down the guide; I wanted to wander the crowded city on my own.

It distracted me, made me aware of how tiny and insignificant I was to the world. At night there were no fireflies glowing along the stars like fairies waltzing in the bath of moonlight, only artificial lights and flashing signs to advertise some pub. The only music I could hear was the heavy rock blaring from an overflowing nightclub. There was no wind, no sakura petals, no April.

Out of boredom, I wandered back to my five-star hotel which lacked any piano – much to my disappointment. I wondered what the other competitors were doing. At times like these I missed Takeshi and Emi. They always know what to do before competition.

But this should be a new start for me, the beginning of a journey. So I'll have to go on my own.

* * *

"Arima Kousei-san, there appears to be some visitors for you. Would you like them to come in?" asked a polite staff member from the behind the door.

I still couldn't comprehend the volta between high school performances and professional competitions. Fruit baskets and bouquets of flowers lay like a feast to welcome me to my private waiting room. I'd been escorted here almost an hour ago and since then I've had the urge to change into a fancier suit so that I could fit in with the lavish atmosphere. Since then, I've pictured myself wearing crown jewels too, like an idiot.

"U-um, yes!" I answered hesitantly. To be honest, I had no idea who would be in the audience, much less who would be visiting although I had invited a handful of people.

The door creaked open and a flurry of orange jumped at me.

"Kousei, you're like a superstar!" Watari exclaimed in joy, wrapping an arm around my neck. His eyes glistened with humour. "I'm friends with a celebrity."

"Well, you're famous too."

That was the best comeback I had at the time that wasn't exactly untrue. Watari had gained some fame (mainly with females) while travelling on tour, aiming to go international.

"You ready? The hall is filling up so quickly. Man, I miss the days we didn't have to pay for the seats. If you invite me to every one of your recitals I'll be bankrupt by Christmas."

I flushed. I had given the two complementary tickets to the Miyazonos. I had a feeling they would need it more than my dad who was overseas would. It wasn't his fault though since he had urgent business and only managed to get the days off for my graduation. Watari was like my brother; he should have been my second choice. And Tsubaki…

"So you've thought things through?" he asked more seriously now.

I nodded solemnly.

It took me most of the month but I think understand now. My heart was weightless and my head was like a solved maze. I'd revisited Kaori step by step but now I've gotten to the end. I've reached her music.

"Then you'll be fine," Watari grinned, "I came with Tsubaki but she's gone to sit down before you answered."

"It's alright," I smiled in return, "We'll have to talk later anyway."

"And I'll be here as usual. Hey, let's go for drinks while we're here! I'm sure you'll have time after this. Tokyo ought to have some party places."

There should actually be some after-party that I've shied away from. If the waiting room has made me anxious then this type of lavish celebration might make me nauseous. And embarrassing myself in front of pianists that I admire might not be the best start to the career I want.

"Actually I've got plans."

"Oh. Well we can always go out another time."

I nodded, "Maybe."

* * *

There isn't much to say about this competition because it is quite a distinguished event. To even apply, you are required to have five different competition victories in different categories unless you were some respectable prodigy. I only managed to get here because of my 'legacy' and I'm pretty sure the music school pulled some strings for a graduated senior like me. The bar is set so high that sometimes just entering can be the main concern, not even the music standards.

Yet here I am, competing with seven renowned pianists in this prestigious competition.

Nervous could not begin to describe me.

If I had the score with me, it wouldn't be an inch away from my face. But I had foreseen this situation and left the stack on my piano instead so that I could focus on Kaori. If she were here, she'd probably whack me harshly on the head for panicking.

I could almost feel the warmth of her hands resting on my cheeks like last time. Her eyes focussed only on me so that my mind would not wander. I only had her on stage with me.

"Even now I could never forget you."

"Arima Kousei-san, we're ready for you."

The previous performance had left the crowd itching for me. He was charismatic, confident and cocky but his music was like fragile china. You would be afraid to move in fear of shattering the ambiance that he created with his talent. But I would create something else.

The speakers sounded, announcing my name and a condensed biography which made it seem like they were advertising a product instead of introducing a performer. I took a deep breath to steady my thoughts so that I could picture the music. I pictured her.

I could almost feel something rushing to my fingertips. It stayed there as I carried myself on stage to face the blinding spotlight that reflected against my glasses. In my temporary blindness I bowed to the audience – all part of the formality. Then came adjusting, shuffling and waiting. It didn't cause any adrenaline rush except when my fingers brushed against the keys intimately.

Here goes. _Again._

"Elohim Essaim, Elohim Essaim, I implore you."

I started softer than I wanted, like I was afraid to cradle the baby's head. Then rocking gently, in a steady pace, to lulling it to sleep. But instead of that image in my head I could picture Kaori's bright eyes staring at me. Kaori was the one who let me play this music, to express myself again. Now I cannot picture myself away from the piano. My one true passion.

 _To think you quit the piano? Especially after moving someone like that? You're terrible._

Yeah, I'm a horrible person. I'm a dunce, a blockhead, an idiot. I've left things for too long. But I'm back now.

The tempo sped up, becoming steadier. It was still smooth like a river flowing. This was a nocturne, a single movement, a single character yet it was built up like the most complex puzzle. It was like Kaori. Every time I looked back at her, there would be a new discovery that I never noticed before. She was a spectrum of colours, not limited.

 _I hope I found a place in your heart._

Of course you did. Did you seriously think I could forget about all those precious memories of us together? Did you think you could mean nothing to me? Because you mean the world to me. But now I realize that although I love you, I have to move on.

This Chopin is one that can never be played again, just like I can never meet someone like you again. It was meant for the night, for the romance that had already passed for us. I've been reliving it but it's time I left it behind.

 _I'm sorry._

I'm a thousand times sorrier. I'm sorry I can't take you further than here. You'll have to remain in my music now. But don't worry, I'll never forget you. Ever.

Since I'm not alone anymore, since I have people who need me here… for now, goodbye. And I could see her grateful smile.

* * *

It's an unruly sight for a grown man to cry but emotions are intolerable things, swelling within or becoming withdrawn like a hermit crab. Even though I finally managed to reach her, I couldn't help feeling that recovered tear in my heart rip open again but this time it would heal, not concealed.

But I kept walking with my head held high. Because I knew that Tsubaki would be waiting for me now, expecting my answer. She was still waiting. She was still alive.

Screw the results; it was music that mattered. It was people that mattered.

"K-Kousei."

A huffing brunette stood before me, dishevelled hair and watery eyes. She looked foreign to me until a heavy kick landed on my shin leaving me cowering on the ground. Of course it had to be Tsubaki.

"Idiot! I never told you… I didn't think... You didn't have to do that! Going so far to…" she sniffled unattractively. I bet there was snot running down her face too. I smiled fondly.

"If I didn't, I don't think I could give you a proper answer."

I straightened myself up to take a proper look at her. This was the girl that stood beside me even when I was digging up that hole before falling into it. She was the one who threw a rope in to save me and when I didn't take, she crawled in to accompany me. And now…

I bowed down respectfully.

"I'm sorry."

She was silent. I waited.

"I knew it."

"I made you wait so long and now I can't even give you a straight answer. Tsubaki, I really care about you but it's unfair because you care so much more about me. You know how much Kaori haunted me yet you kept waiting. I'm afraid I have to keep making you wait. Sorry."

Her hair fluttered as she gazed up to me. Had she been so small?

"You have something to do, don't you?"

"Yeah…" I murmured. There was a journey that I couldn't take anyone on because I needed to find myself.

"I told you, didn't I? You're not alone. I'll still be here for you."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, idiot," she laughed dryly, "You've said it three times already. And it makes me feel like… you're trying to say something else: that you'll abandon me for her or something."

"Tsubaki."

I took a steadying breath before reaching out to her. My arms wrapped themselves around her slim waist and we remained as rigid as a statue.

"I want you to know that no one can replace you. But no one can replace her either."

"I know…"

* * *

Feelings are strange things that flutter around before taking residence permanently in you. Sometimes you think you have to evict them and never meet them again but what's the harm in keeping them all close?

With that thought racing through my head, I heaved my suitcase out the door. Maybe it'll be another few years when I return and everything will have changed three hundred and sixty degrees again but I'll get a better view.

"To the airport please," I directed the driver out of the peaceful neighbourhood, all of it still etched in my memory. As we drove past all the significant locations, I only stared ahead. That's where my future was.

But as my hand rested on a certain picture, I couldn't help but give a sad smile.

Maybe I was just telling myself a lie in April too.

* * *

To my fellow musicians and fans, I hope you don't mind me rambling on about feelings and Chopin. I think Chopin is one of my favourite composers because he keeps changing his mind and his scores are sometimes a bit of a mess – but that's good! It means we can interpret it however we want. I wanted to convey that through Kousei but I don't believe that would have fitted in. He wouldn't have thought about what the composer wanted, only on what he felt.

A nocturne to Chopin isn't just some dance or short tune; it's a romantic interpretation. I think that's why I thought it suited Kaori so much because it was one of a kind and you never know how it'll end. Chopin wrote tons of them and I hope it encourages you to listen to it while you read more of Kimi no Uso fanfictions.

And finally, thank you to all the readers who make it thus far. I'm amazed you put up with me but you did it. I especially want to thank the followers, favourites and the reviewers because it gave me a lot of support, like you were patting me on the back. I hope I managed to quench your thirst for reading and that you enjoyed it thoroughly. Thank you so much!

 **rex4487 -** Thank you for following from start to finish and leaving your reviews; it's been awesome writing for you. I just hope you enjoyed it.

 **The Flame of a Raindrop -** Don't worry! I typed it up on word instead and waited for the error to pass. Thank you so much for reviewing continuously, it gave me a lot of motivation!

 **Lunarwolf150 -** Sorry I had to end it here but hopefully I'll feel motivated to write another one soon. Thank you for reviewing!

 **musicoflove -** I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was wanting to include a scene where Kousei spoke to the grave but I want to leave the rest of the story to your imagination. Thanks for reading!


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